Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is wine microwaveable?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
