Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
