Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
