its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
PANTIES FOUND
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