Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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