What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
