If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
