he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
