ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
do nipples grow back?
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