I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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