the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
