I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
