he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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