So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
