Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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