i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
