he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
