This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
