I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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