Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
