I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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