How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
