Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
