And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
