The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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