What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
