I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
