quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
