When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
