Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
