Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
