Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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