the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
