i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
