just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
