well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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