so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
