I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
