I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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