I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
