hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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