ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I didn't notice because vodka
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
