: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
