Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
