I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
