I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
