Pappa wants mamma naked
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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