i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
