You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
