mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
