you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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