Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
