If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
